Dreams... as a Musicians... Is it?

          Every now and then i kept thinking about my own life and future... Had no choice but to be worry about mostly everything that is going on in my life. Only recently, i really and fully realized that i wanted to be a full time musicians or an entertainer, not very specific on which area. But I'm sure of my own intention and wishes. For about almost a year, i kept myself quite and did some reflection on myself and meditate... with much prayers too! I realized many things that i don't see back then when i was studying. Well i guess maybe when we are too occupied with our own life, we tend to lost track and don't see that little things in our life...

          Many years back when i was about 10 to 12 years old, i liked to watched lion dance performances. I will never missed any of their performance and will try to watched everything that i can. I find it interesting and awesome back then, but when i think about it properly, i was actually attracted to the drum beats. I enjoyed the drum sound more than the whole routine. I was so attracted to it, to a point that i can actually memories every beat of the whole drum routine. I would usually play my smaller version of that drum on the roof top everyday and sometimes for few hours... I enjoyed beating it and somehow i felt like i was so in love with it. When i think about it now, i was quite surprised that i was quite precise on copying the routine and was so good with it until one day, i was invited to join the lion dance group and invited to be their drummer... BUT unfortunately it was rejected by my mom. I guess i could understand why she did that back then... =)

          After I'm done with my primary school life, i went to a secondary school, St. Joseph. When i was there, i decided to join the marching band and wanted to audition as a drummer. But luck was not at my side... I was asked to audition as a trumpeter and i remembered my first note that i blew out from that cornet was a PERFECT G!. It somehow impressed my music teacher and guess what?! I ended becoming a trumpeter. So basically my whole 5 years there, i serve as a trumpeter to the band. I would say i was quite unique player in my own ways. I'm not good with my scores but naturally i was quite good with my instrument because i was told by my few music instructors that i produced a very sweet tone with my trumpet. Back then, i was famous for mixing 3 trumpet parts in my playing. Not being really good to actually read my score, i played mostly by ears and by heart. Naturalist... So pretty much, that is what i was doing in my whole secondary school life.

          Done with school life, i went to college and all. Year 2006, i remembered i start serving as a percussionist in a sunset band, a band that serve and play during mass every Saturday. How it started was when i was tagging along with my friends to one of the practices, i was called by this guy named SAM. He was a drummer of that band and was quite known for his drumming skills in Sarawak and slowly Malaysia. But in any case, i know nothing about him back then. So as i was saying, i was called by him and he asked if i am free and wanted to help out... so i said why not, since i am free and waiting for my friend to finish the practices. He gave me a practice Conga and asked me to play it for the mass later. I was quite shock but quite happy at that time. Because playing for mass in the band was one of my wishes back then. So i accepted it and learn some few basics and there goes... since that incident until current now, I am still playing as their percussionist and also in their music ministry in church. After much practice and experience, i got better now and trying to be better than what i am now.

          In the music ministry, i am one of their main musicians. I'm actually quite proud to be in this team and felt honored and thankful. It has taught me a lot in many was as a musicians and as a person. It has develop me to be a better person and taught me to see things in different perspective. We did events every year and it's a mixture of large scale events and small... Exposed me to be a better musicians on stage and off stage. I felt very thankful to God for caring for me and showing me all this beautiful side of life as a musicians. In the team, i think again... i was known for not being able to play a permanent or consistent pattern for every sets. I tend to play differently every-time. Naturally, i am the type that will listen and feel it with my heart and somehow all the beats will fall into place. I guess i am pretty blessed with that side of me and i am quite proud of it. In music, with any instrument or voice, i could somehow just free-style everything. BUT as a good musicians, i think it would be good for me to learn all those small things and basics. It will come handy sooner or later in the future.

          Now i am slowly receiving what i wished for and what I've prayed for BUT when it really appeared in front of me, i don not know how to react towards it. But i believe i have to start somewhere in order for all this pieces to take place. Dreaming to be a musicians or as a entertainer is actually hard. Dream is one thing but to put it into action is also another story... Talking with no actions is no point right? But anyhow, Because of all this small things that i don't see, i kind of wasted few years of my way younger days doing things that i don't actually had very much interest in. I think i had that chance once back then but i let it pass by just like that. I was very indecisive back then. I might still now but it is so much better then that time. From all this, i can conclude that i was really and quite into music since then. Enjoyed it and never get bored and although got a lot of scolding and stress, i still came back for more music. This is how i know that i really want to do this but of course, i am scared to walk this path. I would always and all the time pray and asked for guidance from the Lord in everything i do. He has been so loyal to me and had showed me al lot of opening for this. Now it's my turn to act and try it out.

     Dreams.. as a musicians.. is it? I would say YES and i would really want to try to see how far can i go and excited to know what will this whole experience show me along the way. All those surprises that will knock me hard and either it's good or bad, i think it will be a great journey. If i don't do it now, i think i will regret in the future when i can't do it anymore later. Nothing is easy at first and also nothing is impossible... it is all about how you want to see it and how you want to take it... your mind develop that whole situation and somehow whatever you imagine it to be, it might be true.. so POSITIVE attitude is good to practice at all time. Although i am still not sure how my own life journey will be and what will happen in the future, i am still hoping for more chance in everything. As i walked through everything, i am praying that HE will guide me through it and friends around me to support me and family to advice me in my every choices that i make.

          Nothing is easy and i believe nothing is hard as well, as long as you put your heart into it and enjoy the whole process of developing it. Prayer is a must and to include God in your every actions is a MUST. Without him, there is no YOU and you wont have what you have now... all you have is His and all that is His, you are only borrowing it and sort of a sharing from His part. I believe all of this can be applied in everything that you do in your life... always Believe in yourself, Trust in Him that He will guide you through it and have Faith in Him and yourself that you can do it. Keep a positive thinking in you and all that positive attitude will bring you good.

Proverbs 3:6 - Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which oath to take.

" The give of Faith is the ability to Sustain Unwavering Confidence in the promises of God, in the face of Impossibility..." - Dr Michael Youssef                   

"Friends Who Talks About Each Other..."

          As mention above, friends who talks about each other can means different things in different perspective. Some can lead to something bad which is talking behind other friends and gossiping OR talking good about them and have fun with each other through that conversation( Making fun of each other...). and many more as the list goes on. It all depends on how you want it to be. Good or Bad, it's up to the whole intention that we show during that particular activity. let's start with the Bad part...

          Well... usually we talk a lot behind each other right? Do you agree? Directly or Indirectly, i believe we all did it. The most popular one would be gossiping! This, we are all well aware that it is a common activity that we all participate in one way or another in our everyday lives. In our human nature, we bound to dislike or hate or felt offended towards people around us that might hurt us in any ways that we might felt offended at. It's quite natural in my opinion that we gossip around and talk bad about them. It's a way of expressing our dissatisfaction about certain matters through words and shared it to our friends or people around us. This sort of activity will usually lead us to nothing good but doing more damage instead. It can either brings down your own image OR eventually causes trouble towards that person that you talked about. Cases like this can cause misleading in also causes misunderstanding. This usually will lead to disaster for yourself and that particular person. But not all gossip are actually bad... i think it all depends on how you want to use it.

          The good part that i can think of is, talking about a particular person in a discussion way, that will lead to positive effect towards that whole situation. This is when we care about them, and we talk about them in a group that we try to figure out whats the main problem and try to find a way to fix it and make it right. Some friends do talk about other friends and ranting everything out that it might seem bad and negative but at the end it's for the benefits of the other person. How? Well... Sometimes it's because we care about them, we talked and wonder why they are in that mess. It's because we care, we make that effort to try to help them in this type of ways which is "discussing" with friends and take action after that. Confrontation and solution... is usually what we do all the time but sometimes we chose not to do anything but just talking and more talking.

          So what do you think? There is more than just all this and i believe that everything happen for a reason. Whatever that reason is, we must know how to act wisely and maturely towards any situation and also know how to act accordingly. Sometimes certain action that we make can either cause more trouble or solution. So whatever the outcome will become, it all depends on how we handle it... Nobody is perfect for sure but at least most of the time, try to be good, step by step to a better person. Choices is always in our own hand and we are definitely not stupid... This is how or what i think... There is more to all this and slowly we learn day by day from our mistake. 

---Random Thought---   

Money, money, money...

          In this world now, surviving out there is hard and not as easy as how everything used to be cheap and not that hard to find. As time past and everything changes, items that we need became harder to find and it ain't cheap anymore. MONEY became more and more important and eventually it became the centre of everything in our life. Without money, we can't live... With money, we can't have anything.... and vice-versa. Yes i have to agree that money is very important and play important role in our life. Without them, we can't buy our need or provide for our family. Like what everyone always said, "Money can't buy us everything but in most of everything we need money". Which i think it's true but you know, we should have a balance out of it. We shouldn't put money as our main purpose in our life. What do you think?

-Random of all Randomness-

errr??? hmmmm??? (o.O)

          While listening to "What are words by chris medina", i'm kinda dreaming and thinking.. not very specific on what was it but i'm sure that i'm thinking of something. Future.. Words.. Relationship.. Me.. Family.. Friends.. all of this is part of it. This few days i'm kinda feeling lost for a while at home. Every morning i woke up at 8.30am... Well, that's what i usually do when i was still at work... Something that you constantly do everyday for half a year and suddenly after you resign, it seems that you lost something. You will opened your eyes and wondering if you should continue to wake up like usual or just let it be and continue your sleep. It does feel awkward for a while but slowly everything will be back to normal.. In this few days i kept thinking and asking myself what i wanna do now? What's next? What shall i expect next? What i want next? bla... and bla... Have you ever experience it? Basically im not sure of everything right now... It does not sound good right? But well that's the truth. I'm trying to put myself together and try to make a wise and good decision for myself. Trying to pray and asking for help. I was never good at making decision to begin with. Always follow my instinct and usually won't expect much in return but usually i will try to enjoy the whole process of it and make it a memorable one.

- random of all randomness-

Life is like Coffee Movie

Life is like Coffee Movie: Do you know people that just seem to be happier in general? Do you say to yourself, "I want to be more like them"? Often, the happiest people in the world don't have the best of everything...they just make the best of everything!

Ducky-Ducky

Ducky-Ducky, a photo by mylightbrowneyes on Flickr.

Reflections.... When i think about it.. i guess it is something for you to think and look about. In the mirror... you see yourself and adjust what you need... In your head, you think and reflect about yourself.... from there, you improve.... Tiny little things in your daily life somehow, if you take it and see it in a different ways maybe... you can link it to your own life now.. like the reflections... See it in a different perspective and you'll get something else...

Beautiful sky

Beautiful sky, a photo by mylightbrowneyes on Flickr.

Sky is something that i love most... It is free and it is wide.. There is like no end to anywhere.... Envy those birds sometimes because they can fly freely as they wish. Unlike us down here, we have lots of buildings everywhere... God's painting is always wonderful... =)

Night Sparks

Night Sparks, a photo by light.brown.eyes on Flickr.

Blue and Night... One of my favourite combination... Something that always calms me...

Wonderful people.....

          Here i am... with a cup of hot milo and few slice of bread.. In the middle of the night, typing and being emotional for a sudden. Ahaks!! =P Hmmm.. well tonight, i had a great night with all of my friends. GG(nickname for my friend), just came back from out country and some of  my other friends too, from their india trip. Was thinking that how blessed i am to have lots of wonderful people around. They bring me laughter and joy into my life and made my whole life a lot more better than it already is.
          What do you think IF.... you are like more or less feeling alone and lonely most of the time, and spacing yourself from people around you? For many reason which i don't know, i notice SOME will do it and i feel pity for them. I mean, you are going to need friends in your life. Cause i believe that they play important part and role in our life. They are one part of the reason of how you are today and how far have you change in the period being influence by them. Good or bad, in my opinion... it all depends on ourselves at the end of the day. We have choice in our hands and it all depends on what we choose.
          Anyways... praise the Lord for all He had done and gift. Without Him, we have nothing of what we ever had today. Thank you mostly for all of those wonderful peps around me... and so as for those who went "home" earlier, i thank Him for giving me the chance to meet them and having the company all this while. Although it was not long, but all the time with them was priceless. Small things but something that you will and can never have anymore with them or anyone else. Whatever that is..... =)
          Appreciate one another and always cherish every moment of you and them.. ALWAYS... You will never realise that how important they are to you once they are gone forever. Love them and forgive their wrong doing... Alright??? =)

~ CHOSEN to be His ~

          This few days was great or should i say Epic-ly Awesome!!! lolz... After 2 years plus, i'm back for the Easter Rally Concert, also known as ER! I've been missing a lot of it in that MIA(missing in action) years. Every bit of it, i honestly miss it dearly.. It was a great experience to experiencing it again. It was like a big message to me. To be his instrument in any ways that He wants me to be. To do anything that He wants me to do. I believe He is great that He always surprise us in an unexpected ways. He do things in His own ways that we all can never understand sometimes and when we expect that everything will turn bad and ugly, at the last moment He will definitely do His MIRACLE. All we need to do was to believe in Him... I believe that is all what He wants us to do, to believe in Him. I really thank Him for everything that He has done for me and how much He had taught me and shown me in this past few years of my life while serving Him. In or out the ministry, He still guide me to do what He wants me to do. To be Chosen by Him again this time to serve Him in a different way, was a big pleasure for me. I praise Him and thank Him alot for it. I believe it was not by chance but personally hand-pick by Him. As i reflected back on everything and think back on how all this started, i smiled and said that this is what He wants me to do. To be on His side, to be with His people, to be His instrument for His work.


          It all started back in year 2005... I was in the school marching band that time. Kinda a rascal... a little troublesome and most of the time, hard to handle kinda kid. ER05 was about to start about in a week or two. That time i din't know what was ER all about and what was that concert for. I think i was tagging along with my friends. I've been to masses a few times and what caught my attention was the musicians. I've always enjoyed how the musicians played in church and i usually closed my eyes listening to them. I felt so in peace and start talking in my heart sometimes. Since then i've always dream of playing the guitar and to serve for masses. But i never know how and never asked anyone about it. As all the ER preparation was going on, i ended serving in the security team. Whole ER i enjoyed meeting lots of different people and friends. How i even started to be there in the first place, i have no idea at all. Why am i saying this is because... FYI, i'm not a catholic. I'm an SDA which stands for Seventh-day Adventist. To be honest, i don't know much about it. All i know was we don't pray for Mama Mary, we don't wear a cross which i'm the only one who wore it and we don't eat a few type of food which i'm not sure and i don't practice it myself. I was always with the catholic ever since i was a kid. I studied at St.Theresa Padungan and was at the kindy there too.


          Every time after school i will always go to the church to help those Sisters to mop the entire church, clean the bench or i'll just play around the church compound. But mopping was what i like to do the most. I will flood the entire floor and just make my own water park in there. It was fun... The sisters will just shake their head and smile. Hahaha... im just too naughty.... But i enjoyed wasting my time there. Till i ended my schooling days there, that is what i do most of the time. So roughly that is what my background of myself was. Back to the ER05..... As i mention earlier, i din't really know how it actually happen and started. But i believe it now that He called me to join Him and His crew. After ER05 ended, i continued to get myself involved with the rest of the people. The only person that really knew there was Joshua Erron and Ben@Mr.Ben! =P(He is my band teacher and still now.....) One fine day, i followed Josh to sunset mass practice. I was tagging along and i was bored so i joined him. I sat there at the bench and watched them practice. Sam suddenly approach me and asked me this.. "Jim, can you help ka?"(Something like that...) and i said "Yes, what do you want me to do?" then he just put this LP conga in front of me and asked me to play. I feel so blur but excited for a while. But the thing is i never played one before and i'm not even a drummer or percussionist. The only instrument that i know how to play that time was a little bit of guitar and more to trumpet. So, sam showed me a few move and basics and there i go. Ended serving for mass that evening and since then, i journey with the empowered ministry.


          The whole experience to be there when everything happened was more than what you can say in words. ER06 was my first concert on stage, KAYD, WYD and a few more events till 2008.... After that year, i left the ministry for studies and personal problems. But i never regretted to be part of all this and i believe i will always be in it in any ways that God wants me to. After i left the ministry, i continued my life like usual... No more busy or compact time for me. When i was at the ministry, 80 percent of my time was with them. They are like my second family and St.Joseph church, Gallery, Youth Room and all it's surroundings are just like a second home for me. I enjoyed myself so much to be part of it. Home - College - Church - Activities(empowered family).... That is what i do all the time. It happened too often that at one point my parent was questioning me about what i'm doing. As how i mentioned before that i'm not a catholic, right? So, to be this busy with church till night and almost all the time, it kinda feels not normal for my family.(I THINK!) Owh, FYI, Mom is a buddhist and Dad is a christian, SDA. So i was baptist but not as a catholic. So roughly i think you get where i'm trying to bring you. Not much details i can give but yeah....... Obeying parent is always the number 1 priority. I practice that... Even my ministry leader taught me that. I was with the ministry for 3 years plus and it is out of my own will and i feel very close and  homely to God in my heart. Thats why i was there. But nothing comes easy in life right? Sometimes there is a time we must go and just obey... But i've made a promise to myself that sooner or later i will be back.


          In this 2 years plus when i'm away, i seldom be in contact with the ministry. Very seldom going to church and that is it. Just like that.... At first it felt so free... but as time past and years gone... i felt like i'm stuck... Not going anywhere at all... I felt like i'm missing a lot of things which i'm not sure of myself... It was kinda hard i guess... But you know, God never gave up on me. He always send someone to come to me and reminded me all the time that when i'm ready, please come back. He even taught me to be strong and always try to depend on Him. He guided me all the way... I'm really grateful for that. You know, no matter how far i run or how i think i might be lost somewhere, He will always personally come to me and guide me back. I believe God wants me to do something for Him. To asked me to be His instrument and to share His news to others out there. Cause no matter where i go, He will always come and be with me. He chose me.... and hand-pick me  from the very beginning even before i knew it. I believe He has something in stored for me..........


          I believe i'm choosen to be His... as anything that He wants me to do and what He wants me to be. Because, out of everyone out there... HE chose me to be with Him and asked me to join Him with all of His crew member to serve Him in all the task that HE has given us. How i ended to be the security, entering my 1st gathering, more in between that i cant remember, ended playing for mass and lastly serving Him in a more serious manners... I believe it is not by chance.. But He personally chose me and YOU to do it for him. I believe you will feel the same..... If this is not by Him, then there is nothing more i can say. To be part of His project in this life now, i would saw it's really a great pleasure to be on board. We are all in this together! Not alone but with Him as our captain. Try to think of all that you have gone through from the beginning till now... Is it by chance or what??? I believe it is part of what He have plan for us. We also have plans on our side but He is the person to decide everything. Without Him, there is no You or ME and definitely no US... Right????? Many more to learn and more surprises awaits us... He is just so great that nothing can even compare to Him. When you think it's all dark around you, He will light it up. When you think there is no way to go and stuck, He will make a way for you. He will make everything impossible to be possible. Amen? =)   


1 Peter 2:9 - But you are the chosen race, the King's priests, the holy nation, God's own people, chosen to proclaim the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his own marvelous light.
 

Floating Mind....

          Are we satisfy with most of the things in our life now?? Do you think you have everything?? Pretty much maybe?? Well i bet the answer would be a NO right? Cause it's a typical human nature to want things. We tend to get bored of our current items and wanting a new set of it. But one thing for sure that  i'm sure we all wont get bored of.... Jesus. Common, how can we get bored of him?? Tell me?? He practically gave us everything.... Everything that we ever wanted in this universe. Life itself and his unfailing love! and that is what i keep in my heart the most. Without life, we wont even be here and without his love... I'm sure we will be so depress right now with everything that is going on in our life. But you know.. Its sad to see sometimes that some of us, see things in a more down-ward way... When there is a problem, we want to solve it with any short cut ways that we can find... and usually not in a good ways. We have everything in our body.... Hands, Legs and vice-versa.... Sometimes we are just too lazy to act accordingly and just take everything for granted. Some think that life suck.. well, i cant judge on that cause it's your life.
          Once few years back, i watched this video on youtube about this guy who do not have a complete body part. Man! he love his life so much and enjoying every bit of it. Nothing is too hard for him but us, we complain a lot. He said that every problem has a solution. Nothing is impossible... It's just a matter of, IF we wanna try to solve it or not. If you fall.... get up and try again. From that, we gain... right? I gave up many times in my life. Sometimes i just don't know what to do and i just drop everything and thats it..... i felt ashamed of that. We all who have perfect body parts and gets most of everything we want, but still we complain about it. Some even said this life suck. Well again, how do we know it is suck? What do we know about it? We barely sometimes even knew what life suck really are. How suck is our life compared to others that maybe have sucker life than us? hmmmm??? We human sometimes just make our life more complicated than it already is.
          You know... In all this thing that is happening everyday in our life... We always forgot one thing. To pray... We never have thought of that most of the time. Right? I bet so... Cause it happens to me too. We always take prayer for granted. We never know how powerful prayer can be. But some only pray when they are out of options. I mean it is not wrong but you know, to put God as our last option is really sad... It's like we only needed him when things goes really bad and ignore him when everything are good. If you are in his shoe, how would you feel?(can't even be Him =P) I mean what if a friend do that to you....???? Find you when he or she need you and ignore you when all if fine. Get the picture? I bet you will feel sad right? Actually we should always pray even when we are in a good or bad moment. Cause all event that is happening around us, is all part of His plan. I try to make it a habit to pray everyday. All the time in my own ways... Still learning but it's worth to try. Talk to Him all the time and you'll be surprise how he will answer you back. I'll share with you one of my experience.......
          Few years back when i was attending this local university somewhere.... I meet a bunch of new friends. Love that place and it's all good during the first week. Get to know more about my roommates and we became close. During the orientation week, it felt like we are attending army camp. GOSH!!! Torturing.... They are harsh and rude at times and really like to boss around.(Our facilitators...). Towards the end of that week, they told us that they purposely did that just to get us prepared for our seniors that are coming back the coming week. They said for some, it might be hard but that is it is now. Senior bully the new bird.... at first i thought it is not that serious but one fine night when i was not around during that weekend, my roommates got bruises most of their body parts.(No need details on this i guess.....) i felt sad and decided to stay with them the coming week and so i did. That night, a group of senior went to our room and locked the door.. They asked us to do whatever they wanted us to do. As much as i hate whats going on, i just obeyed them. We don't want to create a scene and we just follow everything that they told us to do. At one point one my friend start to defend himself. To be honest most of us are ready for a big royal rumble in that small room. I've been praying hard in my heart from the moment they entered our room. I prayed that the Lord send anyone here to clear all this and end it. A few second before the royal rumble begin, one guy appeared.
          I was shock that i din't know what to do. One of their friend came in and told them that it's enough and just go back to your own room. So the other senior did as told... That guy sat down and told us to relax and apologize on their behalf. I was so relief and breath really hard on the floor. You think that the guy appear just by chance? To me i don't think so. I really thank god that he hears me and helped me at that critical moment. This is one of my most unforgettable experience that ever happened to me. Who says Jesus din't hear you... HE will answer you in his own ways and that ways sometimes will make you doubt and you know why you doubt? it's because his ways are too unreal to you that you doubt what you see.... Right? That is what i call Surprises! He always surprise us in his own ways and that what makes it beautiful. So guys.... Pray to Him everyday... In anything at all... Talk to Him... it's like praying too by just talking to Him. He is always there with us.. next to us... all we need to do is just to allow him to enter. Thats all.... I pray that everything is all well and may He continue to guide me, you... in everything we do in life. Cause without him, there are no this and that.. no you or me.... He gave us everything so it is right that we thank Him all the time for everything. Amen? yeah? Bless you guys always and you know, i pray that he will always use us as his instrument to do his work.... It's a great pleasure to become his instrument. =) In his name i pray, Amen! 

Flashback : 8th December 2008....

          Fine day.. Sunny and not too hot in my opinion. Today i woke up quite early, about 7 am i think... Laze around for a while and get myself clean up for the day.. I went back in to my room and grab my bible and opened this small book of mine. It is a note book given to me by Ben 3 years back. What i like about this book was the front cover, "God's Messages". Usually when i do some random thinking, i will jolt something down in that notebook. So, as i turn the page i saw this personal sharing of mine in there. I always love it everytime when i read it. It happens when i was kinda lazy that day in my room... Looking at the wall and saw this group of ants... I cant help it but stares at them the entire time... Not long after that, i brought my lazy ass up and took that notebook and start pouring some thoughts of mine in. Here is what i wrote 3 years back.....
          "10.42 am   ........................................  8/12/08
     Was looking at the ants one day in my room. I noticed that the ants only choose one path for them to go forth and back. If we looked at it closely, there are no road or line there for them to "walk/crawl(whatever)" but they always managed to stay in line no matter how the line goes. Either by group or solo, they stick to one route only. I've been noticing it for so long that it makes me think of something. In our journey with Jesus, we create a lot of road for ourselves. We got separated everywhere. He provided us with one nice and bright road but still sometimes we tend to go astray. He has make it easy for us and gave us one simple order.. Follow this road and it will lead us to Him. But still many of us never obey but create our own road which we don't know if it will lead us to Him or not... Cause in our road, we do not have the foundation to keep our road strong and smooth but for some they might make it. Sometimes, we liked to do things in our own way that we eventually get lost and the most dangerous part is that we might can't find our way back. But the good thing about our Lord is, His road is the brightest among all. So no matter how far we are, or how lost we can be.... just find the brightest light there and it will lead us back to Him............................. Which road are we walking now? How do you feel about your own road? Ask more about it..............."
          This is what i wrote back then. I'm a deep thinker myself. I think a lot most of the time even when you are talking to me. I liked to observe and see things around me. See the world around me... I don't know why but that is what i do most of the time. When there is a question or sharing... I liked to link it to my own life. It makes me easier to understand it in my own words and ways. I know that sometimes i might not make any sense but that is how i think it is. It's like this sharing that i wrote up there, i used my own imagination to make it out as words. After i wrote this, i opened the bible and John chapter 14 was on my mind. Reading through it and i think few verses that caught my attention can be use here for this sharing. Most of the time we are worry about ourself. We worry about many things...almost everything to be honest.... But in this chapter Jesus told us not to worry. He asked us to believe in Him. He will prepare everything for us. All we need to do is to believe in Him. That road there, He build it and asked us to just follow it and it will lead us to Him. Believe in Him and we can do greater things in life. There is no need for us to find alternative... He prepared it.... and all we need to do is just follow it.... That simple and thats it... We do what He do and you'll see the fruit out of it. Relate it to anything thats happening in your life... Trust me that in the Lord, we find peace in our heart. There is nothing greater than Him. Amen? Although sometimes we might think that what we are doing or trying to say doesn't make sense at all, but believe me, He understand it.... Eventually everyone will get it... He will work everything out in His own way and in His own time. =)

Pslams 23

Was looking at my bible last night.. I pick up a card that my friend gave me for christmas. Pslams 23:4 was there... I opened my bible and as a bookmark at that pslams 23 page was a pslams 23 bookmark. It kinda hit me for a while... So i read that whole pslams 23. I was thinking, you know... try not to be afraid when you wanna do things in life sometimes. If it is for your own good or it is for something good, why not and what are you afraid for? Was having difficulties these days with decisions for fearing that it might not be the best. I mean how do you know for sure right? Only the Lord knows what is best for us. All we can do is to have a little faith and go for it and asking guidance from the Lord. If it was meant for us, we will be okay in it and who knows, might be doing so well too. It is always easier said than done. That little faith in us are usually just there cause of us fearing of using it. We sometimes scared to act.... Failure was the biggest word that stop us from doing so. But you know, if we just dont give up and learn from mistake, the Lord will do the same to you too. He always will... waiting for us to act and He help us from behind and guide us. All you need to do is to believe in yourself, trust yourself and Him, have confident and have a little faith to start everything up. =) Amen, and with God's blessing.. You will do great. Amen? =) 

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside the still waters,

3 he restores my soul.

He guides me through the right paths

for his name's sake.

4 Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil,

for you are beside me:

your rod and your staff comfort me.

5 You spread a table before me

in the presence of my foes.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup is overflowing.

6 Goodness and kindness will follow me

all the days of my life,

I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

as long as I live.

Picture Short Story... and thoughts...

]Was feeling bored at home and have this sudden thought of playing with my pictures and random pick pictures from my friends profile. So at the end i edited it randomly according to my feel...

This was taken by my friend, Elaine Chin that are currently at Scotland(If im not wrong). Was kinda attracted to it so i took it from her and just mess it up and so here it is now.......=) (ABOVE)

This was her latest picture which i have crop it out and mess it again according to my mood. Beautiful flowers and currently blossom at this time of the year there.(ABOVE)

This is my beloved pet. Bobby is his name. He is a crossbreed of Rotty and GSD. This picture was taken at 14 1/2 mile training ground.  He enjoys his stay there and i liked to see him running around that big field. I do not own a very big space for him to run so im grateful that he was sent to this training centre. 

A strong boy and growing bigger each month. (ABOVE)

This Picture was taken by my friend, Ruth. They were roaming around Italy, Rome or (somewhere in between). Was kinda interested on the composition of the picture so i took it and as always i mess everything up. It's not that bad in my opinion but i agree that some part i overdo it.=) It was just my expression afterall... Looking at this picture, it reminded me of my trip there at italy few years back. Was given that chance and i enjoyed my stay there and will always remember it for the rest of my life. Sometimes when there is a chance to do something that you might not be able to do maybe in any near future, and it appeared in front of you.. Trust me, grab it and go ahead. You will not regret doing so. like me.. Had my time there and i met a bunch of italian friends that i still keep in touch today.

This picture of me was taken by my friend Gerald Allen. A talented photographer in my opinion. During this period, both me and gerald was active enough roaming around kuching taking picture. We will always have this random plan and snap-snap-snap.... It doesn't matter what is it, we will try to make it interesting. There is this one time, me and gerald was chasing for this sunset around kuching. Trust me that it is so hard to follow but we managed to capture few moments of it. Ended with a smile that day and we head home. Again i mess it up and this is what i got now. Photography days was fun for me. I believe that it is the same for all of you out there in whatever you do. 

Few years back when i freshly got my dslr camera, I snap alot with it. I learn all the technique through experience and friends. It took me maybe almost a month to really play with camera. That time, i was a newbie about cameras. i din't really care about it to be honest. To me, it was just the same camera as others, just to snap pictures. But i never knew that dslr camera... You need alot of skill to play with it. To make your picture look different.. Look cool... and unique. It was just as i thought it is.. only a camera and thats about it. After realising it's capabilities... i start to try to take a serious picture from it. I was invited to this fashion show event by my friends. So i went and somehow, became a un-official photographer. I enjoyed taking pictures there. Was trying my best to take a good picture for i do not have a very good equipment with me that time. Totally basic.... Anyways, while taking some shots here and there, i learn alot about knowing my camera setting for certain lighting. I practice on the spot to roughly know what setting that i must change that instant if i wanna get certain pictures that i want. It was hard but you know, practice makes perfect. At the end of the night, i was kinda satisfy on my artwork as a newbie. Was smiling at it and said to myself that i will get a much better shots in the future.

All of this picture here brings me back some memories that i had previous years... Some stories are not just as what you had read. There are more and maybe i might forget parts of it but again, in my point of view, i believe pictures can make you think back about almost anything at all in your life. Whatever it is, i believe that it has this power to do so. What i liked about memories is... It is the only thing that you can bring around with you. Easy to keep and maybe not that heavy. All will be in your head. Snap-Snap-Snap... I miss snapping around. Maybe i will continue to do so soon. Currently unable to do it due to it's bad condition. Anyways... I hope my camera will be back to my arms soon. And when it do, my mission will once again reset.. Find some new things to shoot.. Different... I don't know. We'll see about it when the time comes. =)

Jayesslee - How Can I Not (Rare Unplugged Footage) HD

Here is a new video that i wanna share with all of you. Two sister@twins!... recently i have been so into their music cover and listen to some of their own songs. This is one of it that i like alot... In my opinion they are quite unique in their own way. Some music cover, they sort of rearrange the music style and make it something like their own. Both are korean but born and raised in sydney, Australia. They are also known as jayesslee@Janice and Sonia.... You can visit their youtube site., just type jayesslee.. Lots of videos will pop out... In their own way, they write and compose their own music, songs and anything in between... They hope that through their songs, with the lyrics that they write... People will be blessed... also at the same time to spread the good news... Enjoy this video guys and bless you!

Nature Photography Contest... and Pictures... Photography... Words...

Recently i was looking at lots of picture. Really miss taking photos around my home town. My sis told me why don't i join the Green Heights Mall Nature Photography contest? Was kinda not interested at first but after looking at the photos in there, i felt happy for some reason. Not long after that i decide to dig up my old photos and just sign them up for fun. It was not the best but just for the sake of enjoying the whole process of it. 

To be honest, i kinda miss taking picture. Last time i use to walk around and bring my camera around with me. Wherever i go, my camera bad will always be with me. Enjoying snapping around town or at home.. Did some experiment on shooting technique and so on.... Usually i like my photos non edited. I enjoy viewing it just the way it is. The natural colour and texture. It's just pure beauty... What you see is what you get. It's just as simple as that... Sometimes if we edit too much, it would be fake eventually.. But again, it's not wrong... Just personal preference. 

Erm, random snapping is what i like best. It's because you will get a random results and the picture will be more natural that way. I usually did that on portrait photography. I usually will take them for a distance away. That is when they din't notice it and i'll just snap according to the mood. It doesn't matter if sometimes you don't get what you want, but every picture is priceless cause it only happen on that particular moment and guess what, you caught it... See... it's not that bad right??? You kept that memories for them and for yourself... When the time comes, you can share it with them and laugh all you want about it. I believe every picture has stories behind it. What happen during this particular time and maybe for some, that picture is when you spend time with your family and friends or it can remind you of something that you might forget. Well that is what i think and so far i believe in it and i trust yes it's true. 

Colours... Some picture i like the dramatic colours... Some i like soft.. Well it depends on your own likings right? Photography is just so subjective. In this area we barely can say everything you see is correct or wrong. Correct me if i'm wrong. I mean, how do you know that is this way and not that way? How do you know this must be side and not top or bottom? It's just a matters of personal preference. But in certain ways that i think some can be judge or to be corrected, is during sharing. They wont actually say you are wrong but they will tell you if you take this photo in a certain ways, it will stand out more. Something like that... Sharing is good cause from there, we will improve more and learn more from those who has more experience in this field. This 6 pictures here are those that i pick for this contest. It's not the "BOMB" but just for fun... I never actually join any competition before but i just wanna enjoy the whole process of it. It's okay if i don't win anything but i get the chance on viewing people's artwork and look at the beauty of it. This last picture here is one of my favourite. I took this picture using a digital camera... Was having a simple reunion with my fellow friends and we did enjoy the whole day together. It was not easy to meet all the time due to different working path and life so this is the moment where we really enjoy our presence together. That is some of the story behind it... =) Will try to be active in photography soon and will post more in near future. 

"Going Home..." - Expression of my heart...

          Each year, we meet new friends... Some we meet them since we were a small kid, Kindergarten. Kindergarten is always where everything start... friendship. Some might start way early than that... In family side of the story.. relatives. Some we might be close with and some might not... In all this, it depends on how our journey is with them... In short, relationship between human... Family or friends, it's all the same. God created friends and relatives for us. He send them as our companion in life, so we won't get lonely and bored. Companionship in life is important... without them, we might be lost cause no one will guide us or advice us in things that we do... In this 23 years of my life, i'm grateful and bless to have lots of wonderful family and friends around me. I love them as if they are my own sis and bro in blood. Any one of them( family or friends in any particular ), will be the one who we fool around with and never ashame to do things that might lead us to trouble.. Thats why we called that, Buddies. Close and Best friends. Eventually, we will feel like they are our another half and some... the puzzle that complete your life.
          In less than then 2 years... One going home after another. Some might take it as something so sad, thats nothing wrong.... But i'm trying to take it as they are going home... Life i see is so precious. We live once and die once. Enjoying your life is good.. But there is always a limit in enjoying it cause you wouldn't want to waste it just like that right? Enjoying in a right manner is good but it's out of hand, that's bad. Again sometimes, no matter how careful you are, when it's time for you to go home, you must go... That's what i believe. Since yesterday till today and few days ahead soon... Especially today, i come to realise that i feel that God is teaching us in ways that we don't understand. In this 2 years till today, i've attended funerals of my friends mostly and today relative. In all of them, only 1 are older than me and the rest are younger and mostly my age. To top it up, those are whom i grew up together,,, although not close but still we are all family and friends.
          One morning yesterday around almost 2am, i was about to make my way to dreamland but suddenly was interfere by my sister. I heard my door was open and my sister went in and said she wanna sleep with me tonight. I thought it was weird cause she always slept with my parent. I question her and she said my "Nenek" had just left us. I was not shock to be honest... was kinda blur... (my mom side, has another G.grandmother and "nenek" was her daughter).... I thought it was the older one but as i slowly think, then i learned that it was her daughter, mother of my uncle. I feel a little sad. The 3 of them has been together ever since before i was born into this world. So this will give you a big picture of how close they are. Since i was a small kid, i often visited them at kampung which is kinda far away from where i am now. Till 1 day as i grew older i din't make any visit anymore until today.
          My G.grandmother is about 96 years old(if im not wrong) and that makes her the only G.grandmother that i have left. She is still strong but due to his eyesight problem before and was not treated, she became blind(not fully.. can seem to see lights) and slightly deaf, ... she is now just sitting down most of the time. My nenek was the only person who took care of her all her life and her son(my uncle) is busy working sometimes so that makes it, my nenek was the only person who took care stuff at her home. To me i see her as someone that like to talk and laugh. Although most of the time i don't really understand cause she spokes in Iban. I'm half iban by the way(MOM's). Kampung friends often came and just hang around at her house early in morning and talk or do whatever they do there like always. Now that she is gone, everything seems gloomy and lost.
          After so many years, i came back to that kampung to see her for the last time and send her home. The feeling was rather calm when i was on my way there. As i arrive at that area, everything has changed. Better roads and facilities. In front of the house i took a deep breath and walk in. Everything seems normal and she was in her "bed". Took some time and i went to see her for a while. Then i looked at my G.grandmother. She was sitting alone in one corner if the wooden house, looking aimlessly at her surroundings as if she can see. She actually din't have any clue whats going on and all she thought was maybe someone was gonna Nikah. We all smile when she asked that we is going to nikah... Even if we were to tell her the truth, she will not really get the whole news into her head cause she is really old now. But sometimes at one point, she seems like she know whats going on. Mother's instinct... I felt sad everytime when i looked at her. My nenek was her only eyes, hand and legs. Now that she is not there, my G.grandmother seems lost in my eyes. Time to time she will call her daughter's name to asked her to start the fire and cook some water and prepare food cause it's morning. It gave me pain in my chest.
          My mom told me that she stay awake the whole night ever since my nenek was gone till now. Havent rest at all and she seems normal.. But again she is kinda clueless... But at one point, she seems to understand the whole situation and talk normally then burst into tears at one point. Somehow as mother, she will eventually knew it. But she is strong. Thats how she is. During the moment my nenek was about to be taken away from the house, every nenek and aunt burst into tears. I was there standing and watching them carried her bed away. My G.grandmother suddenly said, what to do if she wants to go, just let her go. Dont forget to bring her shirt for her.(in iban dialect...)... But then after a while she will forget about it and become clueless again.
          I joined the convoy to the cemetery and the place was kinda muddy. It was my first time to be in that iban traditional ceremony kind of style. Mom said it was kinda a pagan style... Grave there was really old and how far it goes i dont know. After done burying her we went back. My uncle cried from yesterday i think and stopped not long after the burial. One of the uncle there was crying too. He was sort of the person that always came by and talk to my nenek. Friends... I heard that they are also a quarrel buddy... In his iban dialect, i heard whatever that has came out from his mouth. It was something like, " now that you are gone, who am i gonna quarrel with now?" I felt kinda touch at one point. Pain at the same time. If i were in their shoe.. Her son( my uncle) and that man... i think i somehow know how it felt. It felt so lost......
          To see how that relationship works.. mother, son, friend... it is something that i feel so precious and beautiful. Words cant describe it. In this one whole day there, i constantly observing my surroundings and see the beauty out of it. Some moments and experience that i will never forget. If you think this is the end of the story, here is one continuation.
          Remember that you read somewhere up there that i mention i was told about the news around almost 2am? Near that time, somewhere near jln song something had happened. After few hours i receive news about my nenek, i was woke up by my phone, beeping to let me know that there was a text for me. As i grab it and read the content... I, once again was blur for a few moment until i slowly let the text message soak into my head. I learned that my friend had just past away. Car accident.. crash into a tree and burst in flames. Now i was shock... at first i was hoping that it was not true but as i asked around, i appeared that the news was positive. Another lost for me in less than half a day.
          I was inform by my friends that they will be visiting him at night. So i said that i would like to do so too. Everything happened so fast that im still unable to fully soak all the stuff into my head yet. As night approaching, i went to visit him as planed. Arrived at the place i saw most of my friends. One of them cried... He was one of his closest friends back in primary school, secondary and still is now. I felt sad looking at him. Everyone asked my to pay my last respect to him. I was kinda reluctant to do so... I was kinda scared at first. I asked one of them how is he? Is it bad? All he do was looked at me and said just go and see him. I went but i decided to move back... i join the crowd again. Feeling slightly nervous.. i kinda knew back in my head how i will see him but again i asked the same question to my friend. This time he answered me and i took the step to see him for the last time. This time i was rather calm and did what i was told.
          I sat at the chair and kept quiet for quite a while. Looking at my friend beside me sobbing, i felt that i don't know what to do. Not a word that came out from my mouth. I only can keep quiet and be still on my own. After everything was done, i went to supper with 3 of my friends. We talk about it and i felt more relax after that.. We shared stories about our moments with him. It was all beautiful... The last time i saw him was during our reunion and that's it. Now that he went home, all we can do is to move on and keep those memories with us. Tomorrow will be his funeral burial day... Some of us are sending him but some can't due to unavoidable matters. Everything seems to happen so fast... But that's life. Some will go and some will be born today. In this case, i feel a little unhappy with how they go. Both died in a unacceptable death. My nenek was stung by a small bee that actually took out her whole life just like that. She was in deep pain... allergy to the stung. My friend.... by looking at the picture in the paper and reading it, will tell you how he died.... it was really heart breaking... It was a great pain. But all in all, maybe it's just their time in certain ways that we don't understand. All we can do is to pray for them.
          Since all this incident, i started to take life more seriously. I appreciate everything that i have although i still do want something else sometimes but most of all i learn that, make your life more meaningful all the time and spend everyday wisely. Live your life to it's fullest extent... Have no regret one day when you are going home. Tell your friends and family how much you love them... In all this events that i've been, i can see that having each other by our side is important. They will be part of our life eventually somehow helping us to build who we are today. That Relationship that God has grant it to you, is special. Family or friends... We need each other all the time. Trust me, nobody wants to be alone... In all this event happening, i would say that never think that life is very long. It sometimes can be short. I always said that " life is just to short to be sad"... Live it like there is no tomorrow. Do your best everyday and make the best out of it... More importantly, be happy with it... Thank God all the time for everything and for the life that He has grant upon you.
          Parting is sad but where there is a beginning, there will surely be an ending also... Parting with someone you love is hard but life must go on. They did theirs and you must continue yours. This is life.... It is just like a roller-coaster.. There are times that you will be up and sometimes down. To those who went home, pray for them and wish them a beautiful life ahead. They are home anyway and they will be well taken care of and there is no need to worry for them. I praise you Lord and thank you for everything you have gave me. Bless me lord and bless those who are in need of your blessings. Guide me in everything i do in my life and also help me Lord in any of my difficulties. In your name i pray, AMEN!

~ "Life is not a matter of milestones, but of moments" ~

        
      

Chris Medina - What Are Words

This is a Very inspiring and touching song that i've ever heard.. A touching story behind it and sweet. Through this song, he opens everyone's eye and tell them that true love does exist. View it or see it in your own way... Feel it and you will know how he feels. Two thumbs up to him and May God bless him and his wife... Pray that his wife will recover soon. Enjoy... =)